After breaking my own rule and going to popular recreation spots the last few weekends I am taken aback by a striking correlation between rude trail behavior and the presence of a Starbucks or otherwise uber-trendy beverage joint container in the offender's grip. A few (subjective) examples follow:
- December 2008, Sweetwater Trail, about 0800: A large woman with a starbucks cup in hand had set her camera gear up in the middle of the trail less than 50m from the trail-head and was completely obstructing its course. She got confrontational when I went around her through the cactus and apparently "ruined her shot."
- December 2008, Finger Rock Trail, about 0900 and then roughly 1115: I arrived near the pass and the popular camping spots only to discover a Starbucks cup with a rock in the bottom sitting in the middle of a fire ring and another nearby where it had apparently blown to; on the way down I was held-up by a woman refusing to yield the trail as she slowly crept down from the first vista above the spring. When she finally did move she screamed: "Are you happy, now?!" rhetorically at myself and another hiker who passed her as she chugged away at her steaming Coffee X-Change cup.
- This last weekend, Telephone Line Trail, about 0900: I was on the ascent when I encountered a group of under-dressed female coeds on the descent who were oblivious to my presence and nearly knocked me into the canyon. (Never mind yielding the trail.) When I greeted them, one responded with a pitiful: "Haaaaaay" in the most sarcastic and obnoxious tone she could muster as though she was talking to her gardener or some other member of the proletariat. They were all carrying Starbucks cups and hopefully one or more painful STDs - just kidding...or, *am* I?
It is clear that they must put meth, steroids, or some form of snobification serum in these products; we must act fast to ban them from our trails!!
Jeff MacE wrote:Sorry I peed in your Cheerios or whatever.
That cracks me up. I'll have to use that line sometime.
"The only thing we did was wrong was staying in the wilderness to long...the only thing we did was right was the day we started to fight..."
-Old Spiritual
My book, The Marauders on Lulu and Amazon
big_load wrote:The real question is whether a knife or a gun is the best defense a naked hiker carrying Starbucks. I know a sledgehammer works just fine for RedRoxx, but I'm left-handed and I haven't seen any left-handed sledge hammers at Home Depot.
Actually, coffee itself is a very good defense. Especially with a nekkid hiker. Well, at least as long as the coffee is still stupid-person-spill-in-your-lap-McDonald's-lawsuit-hot.
I'm not sure what my spirit animal is, but I'm confident it has rabies.
I was wondering what the heck you really meant, but decided to play along, Jeff.
"The only thing we did was wrong was staying in the wilderness to long...the only thing we did was right was the day we started to fight..."
-Old Spiritual
My book, The Marauders on Lulu and Amazon
big_load wrote:The real question is whether a knife or a gun is the best defense a naked hiker carrying Starbucks. I know a sledgehammer works just fine for RedRoxx, but I'm left-handed and I haven't seen any left-handed sledge hammers at Home Depot.
Actually, coffee itself is a very good defense. Especially with a nekkid hiker. Well, at least as long as the coffee is still stupid-person-spill-in-your-lap-McDonald's-lawsuit-hot.
Ya a frapacinno would totally screw this plan up......unless perhaps you can make them go hypothermic with it.
Eh, I'm not sure on that one. A slushy against the ol' gigglestick might not feel very good
No man should go through life without once experiencing healthy, even bored solitude in the wilderness, finding himself depending solely on himself and thereby learning his true and hidden strength
Wow, I'm glad I live up here. Theres only a small part of the year that the trails are over run with rude people up here. The people pushing strollers on the snow at Snowbowl can be obnoxious, though.
What ever happened to those coeds? Did they have any other naked plans, where were the going next? Did they mention any snow climbs in fuzzy bikinis?
Hike Arizona it is full of sharp, pointy, ankle-twisting, HAZmaster crushing ROCKS!!
Hike Arizona it is full of sharp, pointy, shin-stabbing, skin-shredding plants!
Hike Arizona it is full of striking, biting, stabbing, venomous wildlife!
jhodlof wrote:Wow, I'm glad I live up here. Theres only a small part of the year that the trails are over run with rude people up here. The people pushing strollers on the snow at Snowbowl can be obnoxious, though.
What ever happened to those coeds? Did they have any other naked plans, where were the going next? Did they mention any snow climbs in fuzzy bikinis?
I suspect that mention of the word "snow" around them would have been met with a mad dash to find a razor and mirror
jhodlof wrote:Wow, I'm glad I live up here. Theres only a small part of the year that the trails are over run with rude people up here. The people pushing strollers on the snow at Snowbowl can be obnoxious, though.
What ever happened to those coeds? Did they have any other naked plans, where were the going next? Did they mention any snow climbs in fuzzy bikinis?
I suspect that mention of the word "snow" around them would have been met with a mad dash to find a razor and mirror
Oh no!
"The only thing we did was wrong was staying in the wilderness to long...the only thing we did was right was the day we started to fight..."
-Old Spiritual
My book, The Marauders on Lulu and Amazon
jhodlof wrote:Wow, I'm glad I live up here. Theres only a small part of the year that the trails are over run with rude people up here. The people pushing strollers on the snow at Snowbowl can be obnoxious, though.
What ever happened to those coeds? Did they have any other naked plans, where were the going next? Did they mention any snow climbs in fuzzy bikinis?
I suspect that mention of the word "snow" around them would have been met with a mad dash to find a razor and mirror
Oh, that kind of coed. We have lot of them up here. Don't need anymore.
jhodlof wrote:Wow, I'm glad I live up here. Theres only a small part of the year that the trails are over run with rude people up here. The people pushing strollers on the snow at Snowbowl can be obnoxious, though.
What ever happened to those coeds? Did they have any other naked plans, where were the going next? Did they mention any snow climbs in fuzzy bikinis?
I suspect that mention of the word "snow" around them would have been met with a mad dash to find a razor and mirror
Oh, that kind of coed. We have lot of them up here. Don't need anymore.
Yea, I remember years back discussing college plans with the other kids and there seemed to be a haughty percentage going up to NAU because they heard it was a "party school."
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